Paraprosdokians are fun:



Paraprosdokians(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure…

14. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a mechanic.

15. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

16. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.



17. Life is tough but it’s really tough if you're aggressively stupid.

 

18. I used to be conceited. Now I'm perfect.

 

 

GREAT list. I needed this today. Thanks. I wish I had something clever to add.

 

I'll bite!

I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I dunno.

 

Good ones!

 

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.

 

Very entertaining nice to see something upbeat!

 

If the problem you're faced with is your ugly face, how will you face it?

 

sweet.

 

Thanks,
It's nice to see some funnies.

 

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. (yep, it's on my sig)

Why are there Braille letters on a drive thru ATM?

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.

I'm totally against picket signs but I don't know how to show it.

Why are there locks on the doors of 24 hour convenience stores?

What hours is 7-11 open?

I bought a house at the end of a one-way, dead end street. I have no idea how I found it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

(All due respect to Mitch Hedberg and Steven Wright)

 

This is what I'm talking about......good friends!

 

I can't guarantee that I will win, just that I deserve too!