Hope you enjoy it. I will be prinitng that as a poster to give to my 8 month old Son when he turns 18

A Few Things a Man Should Never Do... No Matter How Long He lives. (from Esquire Magazine)


Scream like a wonan. Act like a child. Cry like a baby. Eat cottage cheese.

Skinny-dip in daylight. Linger at the lockers. Talk to, look at, or in any way acknowledge the existence of the guy at the next urinal. (That goes double for the guy in the next stall.)

Shave below the neck. Pay a hooker with a check. Use the phrase "Have a good one."

Volunteer to head up your department's Goodwill fundraising drive.

Buy so much life insurance that you're worth considerably more dead than alive. Drink cabernet with fish or gewurztraminer with steak, regard-less of the wine world's newfound permissiveness.

Mail an angry letter. Leave an angry voice mail. Use e-mail to complain about the boss.

Give money to an organ-grinder's monkey, the creepy little bastards.Give the gift of lingerie, unless she asks for it--which she won't. Purchase your first sports car during your fifth decade--especially if it's a red one. Get a personalized license plate--unless your state will permit tags that read A-S-S-H-O-L-E.

Date a superior. Date a subordinate. Date a stripper. Play motorboat with any of the above.

Ask a policeman, "You ever shoot anybody with that thing?" Ask a woman, "Hey, you got a license for that ***?" Ask yourself, "What would Martha Stewart do?"

Choose Ally McBeal over Monday Night Football. Let people know you like Barbra or Bette. Start a book club. Sing in the rain. Skip.

Enjoy a lollipop in front of your boss. Enjoy SpaghettiOs in front of a date. Enjoy wine spritzers--even alone.

Install carpet over hardwood. Marbleize a wall. Watch HGTV, especially on a Saturday night.Take a camera to a nude beach. Go to a nude beach. Wear a Speedo at a bathing-suit-mandatory beach.Utter the word shuttlecock.

Lie to your mother. Steal from your father. Lend to your brother.

Hit a woman--unless you're both wearing Everlasts. Hit a child--unless the little scamp is mugging you. Eat airplane food--unless you're riding up front.

Forget your anniversary. Forget her birthday. Forget your mother's birthday. Forget where you came from and who you are.

Appear on television. Appear in the newspaper. Call in to a radio show.

Consider, even for a moment, that a toupee might help. Carry a credit-card balance, a concealed weapon, or a grudge. Complain about the difficulty of finding good help these days--even though it happens to be very, very difficult, and we know because we've been trying to find someone who . . .

Feed the dog from the table. Eat on the couch. **** where you eat.

Let your father do your taxes. Let your father lend you money. Let your wife think that you and not she is the boss.

Bet the farm on one horse. Blow your paycheck in a strip joint. End a relationship over the phone. Throw away a perfectly good trombone.

Read a map on the street of a big city. Order Italian food in a non-Italian restaurant. Order chardonnay in a biker bar. Drink Tequiza.

Buy a watch on the sidewalk. Talk to a stranger on public transportation. Gaze too long upon the hijinks behind the window of the primate house at the zoo.

Poach. Preach. Prestidigitate. Smile at a mime.

Admit that your spouse has assigned you a pet name. Reveal what that pet name is. Admit that you have assigned your apparatus a pet name. Reveal what that pet name is.

Throw darts with drunk people. Bowl with sober people. Consort with people who never drink. Use the sentence "Don't you know who I am?"

Feed the animals. Tap on the glass. Run in the hall. Drink and drive. Drink and drive the lawn mower.

 

They can kiss my *** on the no concealed carry one.

 

Best I've ever seen. This from a truly intelligent guy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTugjssqOT0