Correction on my post above - my M3 is an E92, not E90.

Also IMO - if you really value throttle response, I think the current (NA V8) M3 is going to be hard to beat in the four door <$100K market, certainly above 3-4,000 RPM. It's a pretty cool engine. If the M3 were 500 lbs lighter, it would be a borderline exotic.

 

when my current lexus will finally die next one will be 2013 GS 350 F Sport. Wife likes it, it should be good reliable DD car, fast and roomy enough. but 911 is not going anywhere.

 

Own a cayenne, owned a 335i, spent a lot of time testing the M3.
The Cayenne is an amazing SUV, but its just that an SUV. You sir are coming from a 911, nothing is going to even come close to your expectations of throttle response and handling. That said when driving the Cayenne, it drives like a large car, not old Cadillac large but more like midsize sport sedan large. It's handling prowess is akin to that of an M5/E63 AMG/XF-R.
M3 is a much nimbler vehicle than the cayenne and rightfully so. Its smaller and closer to the ground and has great power. But it wont feel like a 911, it'll feel like an M3, which IMO still feels sportier than any American sports car on the road. Cayenne would also be better than either of those. Hate to send you away from Porsche but it sounds like the M3 sedan will fit your needs best, not completely but closer than anything else, as you need 3 seats in back. The X5M is no slouch either and signifcantly cheaper than the Cayenne TT, you will feel the price difference though in material quality. Both are turbos, both go fast as hell, both haul 5 people.
Something else your wife may be interested in to get rid of the escalade, Range Rover S/C. Would say it is as much of a status symbol as the escalade if not more so; plus its actually nice inside, instead of ****.
Range Rover also has the sport, not as fast as the cayenne but plenty comfy and cheaper. And the LR4 which has made strides on the LR3 and seats 7, plus its an unstoppable offroad machine, crazy comfy and starts out south of 50k New.

Heres a thought, put your 3 kids in the 911, and tell your wife to walk, or get rid of the Escalade. That thing is the biggest rebadged tahoe/suburban POS "LUXURY" SUV on the road.
Seriously unless shes bringing home the money to make the payment on that land yacht, tell her you're not getting rid of the 911.

 

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ROFL, this right here. REP +

 

So...thanks to all that have weighed in...wanted to update everyone on the choice I made:

I looked at m3, 335, and out of no where decided to peek at Audi S4. Like everyone predicted, all were inferior. However, the plan is to buy something short term until my oldest starts driving (2 years).

There wasn't much in way of M3 as used was only option (m3 sedan only in coupe now and used market couldn't really find one). 335 was nice...but sales team very tough to stomach (tried 3 dealers). This caused me to look at Audi. Now on "paper" this car doesn't quite match up...however u must drive it. Double clutch throttle absolutely fantastic...great throttle, really fast, and unique sound upon gear shift. Quattro delivers power evenly and in a hurry. And...they increased the size of these so my crew fits in the back no sweat.

2 year lease...when my kid starts driving, I will re-enter the 911.

 

Everything that seats 5 will be different than a 911. However, if you can appreciate a different kind of fun, my vote also goes to E63 AMG wagon with AMG performance package of course lol.

 

I've got an '11 M3 Sedan with DCT and the Comp package. This is my 3rd M3 (e36, e46) before the e90. I have two small children and was cross shopping the M3 against the 997S. For a "practical" sports car, you can't do better than the M3. Does it compare to the 997S. On paper the two are very similar, but it lacks the "feel" that only the 997S can deliver. I autocrossed my M3 4 months ago and I can tell you that it makes a great dance partner despite it's weight and size. BMW has a knack for making heavy cars handle amazing. Of course it does mean agressive camber and tire wear but nothing's free. I am actually in the opposite spot of you. I am looking to sell my '11 M3 and get into a 997S since my kids are now in a booster seat which will fit in the back of the 997 with no problems.

 

Panamera S. The M3 is dated and feels like a tank to drive. I think you can see the gas needle move while idling. And essentially all new BMWs are boring. Gone are the days of the rev crazy and nimble pocket rocket E30 M3s. I could see a Panamera in my driveway without being upset. Ultimately, I'd keep the 911 and get a daily driver. Something like a E46 3 series wagon.

 

If you aren't towing or off-roading, why get an SUV? I think the E63 wagon handles better and is more fun to drive than any Cayenne, and is at the same time quite comfortable and has a lot of cargo space.

 

Please don't get the Panamera...it's a nice ride but it's hideous and looks awkward at every angle - it's longer than a Chevy Tahoe!

Cayenne GTS if you go with SUV :-)